Ivy was conceived in Northern California thanks to copious amounts of Lagunitas beer and the insatiable love I have for her father. 41 weeks later, she was born in Paris on September 20th, 2016.In the days following her birth, I remember looking down at this perfect baby girl and thinking: 1. how was she ever inside of me?2. how is this love possible?3. I can stare at her forever. I was in awe and simultaneous disbelief that she was my daughter, and that I was a mother. Nothing could have prepared me for the love I felt for her. It was terrifying. There I was looking down at this baby girl and my heart was breaking. She was so new, so untouched by everything that was bad in this world, life hadn’t yet had the chance to leave its mark on her. She was still whole. All I wanted in this entire world was to keep her from ever feeling pain, to catch her before she had the chance to fall. The worst part was knowing that I was completely powerless because life would always win, she would inevitably experience pain. So I held her, and spent hours looking at her, taking in her innocence, memorizing her tiny little features and loving her with all that I was. I knew that I couldn’t protect her forever from the outside world but I could make sure she grew up never doubting for a second that she was loved.
My days are consumed with and by her. She’s 7weeks old and I can’t help but wonder where has the time gone? Every day and night is spent loving this little girl. She’s incredible.